It's Incurable!

The results are in, at least most of them. There are a couple more results that will further outline the scope of treatment, the number of days remaining, the ways in which we move forward. Large cell carcinoma in both lungs, that has spread to his liver, lymph nodes, and God knows where else. It could be worse. Certainly, I may not have gotten a chance to say good bye. I may not have had this opportunity to share his final days with him. I say days. It could be months. We don't really know until we see his reaction to the kemotherapy. We're not racing for a cure here. It's obvious. We're simply trying to enjoy these last days, sharing our lives together, whatever we have left. I gotta get home now, that's for sure. But to do what? I don't know. Say, "I love you." Say, "Good bye." Hug them, my parents. Hold their hands. Love them. Honor them. What else can I do? I pray they would hear my love for them. I pray they would understand my deep yearning for them to hear the Gospel. That, for me, is the most pressing issue, yet it is ultimately the one least likely to be discussed in any meaningful way. I have tried before. They are glad, happy for me that this whole Jesus thing worked in my life. It's just not for them. God help me here. I have begun talking to ancillary family members, cousins, uncles, etc. Now, the reality is, "ancillary," is a poor word to use there. It kinda sounds as if they are on the fringes or something. Not at all. In fact, I am truly blessed to see just what a tightknit family we have. It is beautiful. We'll see where the Holy Spirit leads in those conversations. One thing is evident. They all love my dad. Larry is his name, for any of you reading this that don't know him. He is an awesome guy. He loves people. I can't say enough about his witt, about his wisdom. In so many ways, he is truly a wonderful man. I will miss him. But we're not there yet. Let me enjoy him while I can. I love you, Dad.

My Dad has cancer!

@#&^$, @#&$^, @*^&$! What am I suppose to say? I want to yell and scream. I want to cry and curse. I want, I want, I want. I am not going to get what I want on this one, that's for sure. Last Wednesday, my mom called. That was when I knew something was up. Usually, it's my dad who makes the calls. Not that my mom and I don't talk. We do. But, it's generally on special occassions that she is the one that makes the initial call. Usually, my dad would pass the phone to her. Not this time. And there was no special occassion, so I knew something was amiss. "Craig, dad has some lesions on his lungs. We're not sure what's up yet, but we'll find out more on Friday." I knew right then. I just knew. I have had a few friends die recently of cancer, and the description of what was going on with my dad just sounded all too familiar. The call on Friday simply confirmed what I already knew in my heart. It's official. My dad has cancer. It seems pretty serious, too. More tests are coming up, but it has already spread to both lungs. There are other factors too, that are coming into play. It's that things that aren't being said, the things that are giving clues to the seriousness of the problem. The less they say, (my parents I mean), the worse it is, I am sure. Besides, I am talking to other members of the family who are asking better questions and getting more information. It sounds as though he may have as much as a year to live, if all things go well. Could be more, could be much less. The thing is, I love my dad. he is an amzing man. Gentle, honest, and decent. He lives to be a husband, father, and teacher, especially husband. Honoring ones wife, my dad could teach classes on that. He has been married to my mother for 44 years, pretty amazing. He's only 66 years old. The thing is, for the most part we know we're going to out live our parents, sure that's a given. But, CANCER, damn it! It is just a really crappy way to go, if you have choice. There are no talks of remission, of surgery to remove the cancer, just the hope of kemotherapy to add some days, some time. What do I do now? I live in Oregon. He lives in L.A. I just recently got my life in order, got a job, got married, got my stuff together, you know. He just retired, desiring to spend his golden years enjoying the company of his one true love in retired marital bliss. Seems that's going to be cut short. How do I love him? How do I support him? We have a much more limited opportunity now. Bear with me. I am really bummed. I am a bit confused. And I know that the coming months are not about me at all. They're about him. How do I show the love of Christ to him before he leaves? It will come to me I am sure. This blog will be just a small part of the process. I love you Dad.

My Voice!

I have decided to take part in the bloggosphere. I need a place to vent, to grieve, to cry out, and ultimately to rejoice. There are innumerable topics upon which I shall pontificate in the coming months. Social, political, and personal issues abound that have finally motivated me to say something aloud. I am constantly grumbling. My wife would say I am incessantly ranting about the human condition and the state of the world. So I have decided to relieve her of some of her burden here, by typing. The thing is, I suppose just as all of you out here in the bloggosphere, I would like to be heard. I would like what I say to matter, to have an impact on the lives of others, even if only in some small way. After this initial introduction, I will be writing about the recent diagnosis my father received, which is tragic to our family. I will also be rejoicing at the recent discovery of my biological family and discussing a bit about that process. There will be, too, comments pertaining to all things political, especially in this election year. And, hopefully, you will find some humor and witt amidst my ramblings. All of these things will be put forth from a Biblical, God-centered world view, as my presupposition is that there is one true God, creator of the universe, who has manifested Himself on earth through His creation, His Son, Jesus Christ, and His Holy Spirit. I also believe, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that the Bible is His Word to us, infallible and beyond repute. Know, as you read my diatribes, that I am using this format (blogging), in hopes of creating discussions with others, and that I am willing to debate and listen regarding all matters. In other words, I want to hear what you have to say, as much as I am willing to espouse my own ideas. Thanks for reading and welcome! I look forward to meeting and discussing life with each of you. May you be blessed in your quest for truth and intellectually honest in your pursuits. This oughtta be fun.